You don’t need a therapist to tell you that stress is part of life. But what kind of stress are you carrying around these days?

Sometimes, stress can light a fire under you, sharpen your focus, and get things done. Other times, it feels like you’re being slowly hollowed out from the inside. You’re not imagining it: not all stress is created equal. And the real trick? Learning to tell the difference—before you’re wiped out or burnt out.

This article is for the people who know they’re operating under stress but aren’t sure if it’s pushing them forward… or quietly pulling them under. You’ll learn how to distinguish the “good” kind (yes, there is one) from the kind that erodes your health, clarity, and mood over time. More importantly, you’ll learn how to shift your stress response into something more productive—even in high-stakes situations.

Let’s unpack it.

A Quick Truth About Stress

Stress isn’t automatically bad. In fact, some of it is completely necessary.

In the psychological world, there’s a term called “eustress”—the beneficial type of stress that helps you stay motivated, alert, and productive. Think: job interviews, public speaking, or a big presentation you’re actually excited about. That kind of pressure? It can push you toward growth.

Then there’s distress—the kind most of us are overly familiar with. It shows up as tension headaches, emotional fatigue, poor sleep, or constant irritability. It's the kind of stress that wears you down and doesn’t seem to come with an “off” switch.

According to the American Institute of Stress, about 33% of people report feeling extreme stress, and 77% say stress affects their physical health. But not all of this stress comes from negative events—it’s often the chronic, low-grade kind that slips under the radar.

So how do you know which type you’re dealing with?

The Hallmarks of Motivating Stress (Eustress)

You’ve probably felt it during a time crunch or when juggling multiple responsibilities that you actually care about. Eustress might show up in ways that surprise you.

Here’s what motivating stress usually feels like:

• It has a clear goal or purpose. You know why you’re pushing yourself, and the payoff feels worthwhile.
• It energizes you. You might feel nervous, but you’re also alert, focused, and maybe even excited.
• It’s time-limited. Eustress has an endpoint—it doesn’t linger endlessly.
• You feel challenged, not threatened. It stretches your capacity, but doesn’t overwhelm your sense of control.

Think of it like healthy exercise: it stresses the body, but in a way that builds it up—not breaks it down.

The Red Flags of Draining Stress (Distress)

Distress, by contrast, is the slow leak of energy, motivation, and peace. It can creep in unnoticed until suddenly, everything feels heavier.

Common signs of draining stress:

• No clear finish line. You feel like you're on a treadmill that won’t stop.
• You’re always exhausted—but wired. You may feel tired and unable to sleep deeply or shut your brain off.
• Decision fatigue is constant. Even small choices (what to eat, what to wear) feel like a burden.
• It disconnects you. You withdraw, lash out, or feel emotionally numb.
• Your physical body is complaining. Tight shoulders, headaches, digestive issues—all are stress-related symptoms.

Chronic stress has been linked to increased inflammation in the body, which is tied to a higher risk of heart disease, anxiety, and even memory problems. (Source: Harvard Health Publishing)

You can function under distress for a while, but the cost is often your long-term well-being—and most of us don’t realize how much it's costing us until something breaks.

Why Some Stress Pushes Us Forward—And Some Pushes Us Over the Edge

So what makes one form of stress helpful, and the other harmful?

It largely comes down to perceived control. When you feel you have the tools, time, or support to meet a challenge, your body responds with adrenaline and focus—the kind that helps. But when a challenge feels never-ending or unmanageable, that’s when the brain triggers a threat response.

• Motivating stress says: You can do this.
• Draining stress says: This is too much. You’re drowning.

The difference isn’t always in the external event—it's in how your nervous system is interpreting the demand.

How to Decode Your Own Stress in Real-Time

Here’s a practical way to spot the difference in your day-to-day life. Next time you feel stressed, check in with this quick filter:

1. What’s the source of this stress? Is it a deadline, a conversation, a big change—or just an overloaded mental load?

2. Is it energizing or depleting? Do you feel a spark or a shutdown?

3. Does it have an endpoint—or is it open-ended? A good challenge usually ends. A draining one feels indefinite.

4. Am I losing sleep or obsessing over this? That’s usually a red flag it’s moved into distress territory.

5. Can I connect this stress to something meaningful—or is it just noise? Purpose-driven stress can be tiring but fulfilling. Pointless stress feels like static.

How to Turn Draining Stress Into Something More Productive

You can’t always control what comes at you. But you can shift how you respond to it.

Here’s where we get tactical—and no, we’re not going to tell you to “just meditate more.”

1. Anchor the Stress to a Purpose

One way to reframe a draining stressor is to connect it back to a goal or value. For example:

• Instead of “I’m drowning in work emails,” reframe to: “This is part of me building credibility in my career.”
• Instead of “I’m overwhelmed with parenting logistics,” reframe to: “This chaos means I’m showing up for my kids.”

This isn’t about pretending things aren’t hard—it’s about remembering why you care.

2. Shorten the Stress Window

Stress becomes draining when it has no end.

Try breaking large, overwhelming tasks into 25- or 50-minute work sprints. Set a timer, focus in, and then stop. Even mental stress (like spiraling thoughts) can benefit from containment: write your worries down, then give yourself permission to revisit them at a specific time.

3. Engage the Body to Reset the Brain

Sometimes, your stress response gets stuck in a loop—and the best way out is physical.

Try:

• A 5-minute brisk walk
• Stretching your spine for 30 seconds
• Drinking a glass of cold water
• Splashing your face with cool water (activates the vagus nerve)

These small physiological resets signal to your nervous system: You’re safe. You’ve got this.

4. Inject Choice Into the Situation

When you feel trapped in a situation, find a micro-choice inside it.

You may not be able to skip the meeting, but you can choose where you take the call. You may not be able to avoid the stressor, but you can choose how you transition in and out of it. Choice equals agency, and agency reduces distress.

💡 Today’s Tip:

If a task makes your chest tighten and your shoulders clench, step back and ask: “Is this stress pushing me to grow—or is it pulling me apart?”

Reclaiming Your Relationship With Stress

Not all stress is toxic—and not all pressure is bad. The difference is how you experience it and whether it’s fueling your growth or draining your bandwidth.

When you learn to recognize the signs early, you can adjust your mindset, your environment, or your habits before burnout hits. You don’t need to eliminate stress—you need to partner with the right kind.

Start with awareness. Add a little strategy. Then let your stress become a signal—not a sentence.

You’ve got more control than you think.